Groundhog Day

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and yesterday was Groundhog Day.  That famous furry little critter, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow so now we are supposedly going to have six more weeks of winter.

I am sure that on at least one of the 350 television stations there are out there they aired the movie Groundhog Day yesterday. Since it came out 20-some years ago, I’ve seen the movie enough times to know what the next scene and line are going to be, so even though it is in my ‘top 10’ I didn’t look for it or watch it this year. 

But I am sure many people did.

The movie has become part of popular culture. Whenever someone is stuck in a repetitive situation, they usually say “It was like Groundhog Day” even though what they were experiencing had nothing to do with an overgrown squirrel in Western Pennsylvania predicting the weather.

Since I took an early retirement to care for my wife Terry, who is now in the middle stages of Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, many of my days are repetitive. I do many of the same things over and over every day.

And that is good for Terry. It helps her know what is going on. She is most comfortable when keeping a routine.

Terry and I sleep in late most days, hardly ever getting out of bed before 9 am. Terry seems to function better when she sleeps in. On days when I try to get up before 9 she almost always gets up soon after me. She has been asking me “What is going on?” more and more often these days, especially in bed in the morning before we get up. If I get up before her there is no one to answer her questions, so I usually stay with her (she doesn’t really have to twist my arm, however. I was never an early riser if I didn’t HAVE to be. Especially on cold mornings).

Once we get up I help her in the bathroom (she can no longer be alone for that chore) and then I fix her breakfast, almost always granola cereal (warm this time of year) with a peeled orange on the side, to go along with her morning meds. After three years, a year longer than what most doctors believe they work, she is still taking the Donepezil and the Namenda. No one knows if the medicine is still working or not but I figure it can’t hurt. She no longer has any side effects to them.

Every morning after breakfast we do the previous day’s dishes. Washing and drying dishes is one of the only chores left that Terry is still capable of doing so no one is ever allowed to do dishes in our house except for her.

When the dishes are done, we do our morning exercise. Since the temperature outside is closer to 0 than it is to 70, we exercise inside. When Terry used to teach an aerobics class at the YMCA 30-some years ago, she used these “Aerobic Stairs”, a small three foot by one foot by three inch high step. We have two of them so we do a stepping routine for 20 to 30 minutes. Just something to get the blood flowing and break a small sweat.

After a cooling off period I help Terry with her shower, then shower myself. Then we are ready for the afternoon, which usually consists of running errands, going to the store or watching country music videos on television if it is not warm enough to do something in our backyard.

Riveting stuff, I know.

But I don’t get bored like Phil Connors (Bill Murray) did when he was stuck in Punxsutawney. I actually like being stuck. Terry needs someone by her side to let her know what is going on. Who better to do it than me?

As a matter of fact, I wish we were stuck in a time loop like in the movie, where everything starts over again every morning. Where Terry’s condition would not continue to worsen.

The writers of the movie said for Phil Connors to learn everything he learned leading up to the film’s ending he would have had to be stuck for over 30 years.

In the movie, after years of doing things with no consequences, like suicide, robbing a bank, or even killing the overgrown gopher, Phil reexamines his life, his priorities and decides to improve himself. That is how he finally escapes his personal purgatory.

My priorities changed a few years ago, when Terry was first diagnosed. Last fall when her needs grew to the point where caregiving became a full-time job, I had to reexamine my life. I decided to improve her life, by being her constant companion.

Retiring a good five years before I was really prepared to was scary, but it had to be done. It is still scary when I look to the future, to try to make plans, so I pretty much stopped doing that.

I am not in denial, I just don’t give the future too much thought anymore. Ten years ago I would not in my wildest dreams believe I would be doing what I am doing now. So trying to plan for 10 years from now seems to be an unnecessary burden.

In the Bible’s Book of Matthew, in the Sermon on the Mount it says something about not to worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Basically, it is saying to live for today.  That is what Terry and I are doing. Today is all we worry about. I don’t even buy green bananas anymore.

I think it was Elenore Roosevelt who said “Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”  When the kids were real little they would try to go rapid fire from one present to the next on Christmas morning, not stopping to appreciate each gift, just going for the thrill of opening the present.

I am afraid Terry and I are running out of presents, so I make it a point to try to just stop and appreciate each present, each day.

There is an old Hebrew saying that goes something like “When tough times come, there is nothing bad that happens that does not have good associated with it.”

Having to give up my career, my job, makes for tough times and Terry’s condition can only be thought of as bad. But the good thing associated with it that did happen was the fact that I get to stay home and be with my partner every day.

Every day.

That is the present I am stuck in. If that went on as long as Phil Connors’ did in the movie, that would be the best present of all time.

Until next time, live in the present and enjoy all of your presents.

Bud