Child Support

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and even though I have never been divorced, I have grown to know a lot about child support.

Although, in my case, it is my children who are supporting me. Supporting my wife and me. Not financially, but spiritually, emotionally, even physically.

Back in 2013 our oldest daughter had a pretty good gig going, living in a mansion in a gated community in Augusta, Georgia with a pool outside and 30 foot ceilings inside. I never asked her, but she decided on her own to give it up and come home to live with her parents once she found out that there was something seriously wrong with her mother.

She eventually realized I had this ‘caregiver thing’ down and has moved on with her life and now lives an hour from us but comes home every weekend to visit and often makes us a great meal.

Our youngest, pursuing her second and third degrees and career in nutrition while working, lives 30 minutes from us and comes home as often as her busy schedule allows to visit her mother and cooks us a nutritious meal.

Both of our daughters have been in serious relationships for years now and live with their partners. I would say that both of their partners are happy people, but I wouldn’t say they were gay.

I like the term partner, because, after all, that is what a relationship is all about, a partnership. Two heads are better than one.  Humans need to have someone to share things with, to bounce ideas off of.  Lennon had McCartney. Lewis had Clark. Rocky had Bullwinkle.

In discussing my daughters’ partners, the term ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t seem important enough. It doesn’t carry enough weight. “Significant Other” sounds like I need to be sticking out my pinky finger when I say it while looking at the ceiling and using a slightly British accent.

No, I like the word partner, no matter what it might infer about a relationship.

And because of their relationships, their addresses and their schedules, it is impossible for our daughters to help on a daily basis. To help me be the caregiver of their mother, who is in the middle stage of Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

Enter the middle child, the boy, now the man.

Our son received a well-deserved promotion at work and moved to Washington, D.C. recently.  He was living about 45 minutes away from us and coming home often, but is now three hours away.

Living alone in D.C. gave him time to think and he began to change his priorities. He recently came to realize that there are more important things in life.

He also realized that summer is coming to an end, and so is my light work schedule. Come fall I am back to 60 hours a week, seven days a week. In the winter it goes up to 70 hours a week. My wife now needs more help than what someone working 60 or 70 hours a week can provide.

I would never dream of asking him to do so, but our son is giving up his new job and company car and expense account and his career with a Fortune Global 500 company that ranks in the top five in highest revenue generating companies in the U.S., to come home and live with his parents.

But not for the same reason many millennials do. He is coming home to help me be a caregiver. And he is bringing his assistance dog with him.

Our daughters are in relationships, living their own lives now.  Our son has had more relationships than his two sisters combined, but is also someone who has always known what he wants, and what he doesn’t want.  And even though he has seriously dated several outstanding young women, he has not yet found a partner.

So now I am going to have a partner. My wife was my partner before Alzheimer’s stole that from us. Now I will have a partner in my caregiving for her.  I never asked for one. I never wanted one. But the truth is, I am starting to need one. My wife needs me to have one.

My wife is very lucky to have three great kids. In turn each one is helping me take care of her.

I’m lucky to have such great kids. Such great Child Support.

Until next time, hope you have the support you need, from a partner or a child.

Bud