Now What?

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I am now beginning the next phase of my life.

I have enjoyed many phases in my life.

My formative years took place in the 1960s. I was too young to be a hippie, but I wanted to be. I didn’t know what pot was then but I knew I didn’t like the Viet Nam War and I did like Laugh In, the Smothers Brothers and Gilligan’s Island.

The 1970s is when I grew up, attending high school and college. Then I was too busy to be a hippie, I learned what pot was, and I was very glad when the Viet Nam War ended so I would not get drafted.

The 1980s is when I really grew up, getting a real job, getting married and having children.

Since retiring almost two months ago from my job of over 35 years, I am now performing my new full-time job, being a full-time caregiver for my wife Terry, who is in the middle stage of Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

During the first six weeks of my ‘retirement’ I was still working 30 hours a week, from home, writing press releases and game stories, which eased the transition from working to retirement.

But now that is over.

As I ponder my future, I am reminded of the final scene of one of Terry’s favorite movies, Finding Nemo.

In the movie, a group of fish who live in an aquarium in a dentist’s office long for returning to the sea. When the dentist has the aquarium cleaned, he puts the fish in individual bags of water, like when you bring a goldfish home from the pet store.  The fish manage to hop out the window, cross the street and finally off the pier and into the ocean. (I think that was based on a true story, it was so realistic.) So once they make it back to the ocean they celebrate for a few minutes, marvel over their great escape, but then it dawns on them that they are still in bags floating on the surface. “Now what?” one of them asks.

So, now that I am unemployed, home all day, that is what I am now asking myself.

Now what?

I mean I do have a full-time job, taking care of Terry. I am afraid it has truly become full-time these days. She really needs help in everything she does. And I do mean everything.

By the way, with all of the brouhaha in North Carolina with that Bathroom Law, I have discovered one of the greatest inventions of all time: the Family Restroom. The last year or so when Terry and I would go on road trips and stop at rest areas, I would always worry about Terry when she was in the ladies room. There have been a few times when she would not know how to exit unless there were others in there and she would follow them out. But now Terry needs help in there. She needs to be reminded of what she needs to do. That made me very nervous on our most recent road trip to Rhode Island to visit her family. It is a five-hour drive so we need to stop at least once. But when we stopped at the rest stop I was happy to find that there was a Family Restroom that I could go in with her to help.

And that brings up a question. Twice when we were waiting to use the Family Restroom the person using it ahead of us was a single adult. No kids with them needing assistance, which I believe is the reason for these rooms. What’s up with that? Did they just want the privacy? The second time it was a man about my age and when we went in after him the seat was up, so what did he need privacy for?  So the question is, is using a Family Restroom like parking in a handicap parking spot? I think so. If you can just as easily use the regular bathroom, it is not cool to use the Family Restroom. Not cool!

So back to my next phase. In addition to caring for Terry, I need to find something to do with my time. Ideally, it would be something that would pay. But anything constructive will do.

There are plenty of projects around the house that will keep me busy for the next few months. They don’t pay, but the yard and house will be much better off when I complete these chores. Some tree trimming (not putting tinsel and ornaments on the Christmas tree, but cutting back the many overgrown trees in our back yard that are getting too close to the house and utility wires), some painting. Some organizing. Putting summer clothes away and getting more winter clothes out of storage. (I am sure most people have already done that but yesterday I was sitting out back in shorts enjoying 70 degrees of warmth and bright sunshine. Today our oldest daughter the mail carrier saw snow when she was doing her postal route).

So I am looking forward to working around the house. And when we have nice weather, taking long walks with Terry. She loves to take walks and we have been blessed with unseasonably warm weather lately, and the colorful leaves have stayed on the trees much longer than normal, which made for great walks. But I am afraid that, too, is coming to an end. The temperature dropped about 30 degrees today and the wind is blowing about 30 mph. The leaves that are still hanging on for dear life don’t have much of a chance.

In weeks to come we will still walk, without the scenic foliage and without the warm temps. And we will still go on road trips, as long as there are Family Restrooms. Walking and road trips don’t pay cash, but they pay big dividends for Terry.

And that really is my full-time job, preserving and improving Terry’s quality of life.

The quality of the next phase of my life will depend on how long before Terry’s next phase. I pray her current phase lasts as long as possible, because the next phase is not pleasant. Her brain is shrinking. Certain parts of it no longer communicate with other parts, which makes everyday life difficult. The next phase for Terry is when she will no longer be able to communicate with me. Soon after that she won’t even remember me, who I am. That will be hard to take.

But for now we are enjoying life, one day at a time. That is my full-time job. I am glad to do it. I hate that it has to be done, but I am so grateful that I am able to do it.

With the drop in temperatures Terry is like the fish in Finding Nemo. She longs for returning to the sea, the beach, the Jersey Shore, where we enjoyed so many great days this past summer. That is a good six months away, however. God knows what Terry’s condition will be like then, so I am in no hurry to get back to the ocean. I am living for today.

Tomorrow I will ask Now What?

Until next time, enjoy whatever phase your life is in.

Bud