Sports, Stupid

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and my shoulder is sore from throwing and my legs are sore from chasing down rebounds.

And I feel great about that.

Since my wife Terry has moved into the middle or moderate stage of her Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, her reasoning has become unusual, to say the least, and she’s had changes in mood and behavior that she has never had before.  

I don’t feel too great about that.

But almost as bad as that is the fact that her communication skills continue to diminish.

It is almost impossible for anyone to have a conversation with Terry on the phone without me being there, and lately it is becoming harder for her to communicate with even me on the phone. 

When Terry was first diagnosed two years ago the team of doctors and graduate students at the clinic all gathered in a room with us to give us the news. When we walked in and I saw a box of tissues next to our seats I knew that was never a good sign. 

While explaining everything to us, the Doctor said that when communication skills break down, it is important that I find leisurely physical activities that Terry can still enjoy.  Playing a musical instrument, painting, gardening, dancing. Physical things that we have enjoyed in the past.

To try to lighten the mood in this somber meeting room, I turned to Terry but said loud enough for everyone to hear “He said we have to have more sex!”

When emotions are running high it is easy to get a laugh.

And now that it is happening I remember that talk we had about the physical activities. Unlike many of her siblings, Terry never played a musical instrument. Terry and I were never much of a dancing couple. She was never a knitter. One of Terry’s sisters bought her these colored pencils and adult coloring books (when I heard ‘adult’ I mistakenly thought they would be risqué pictures) but Terry wasn’t into it, risqué or not.

I had to find things that Terry and I can enjoy doing. We still take long walks when my schedule and the weather allow. But that wasn’t enough. I had to get her off the couch and away from the TV.  I try to give her chores to do, folding laundry and washing dishes, but she really can’t do much more than that anymore on her own.

And then one day it hit me.  Sports, stupid!

Now that the weather is turning nicer, I brought out the old basketball and took Terry to the park to shoot hoops.

She was smiling from ear to ear.

Terry grew up in a house with a backboard and rim nailed up to the garage and she loved to shoot hoops when she was a school kid. Being five foot nothing, weighting a hundred and nothing, she never played organized basketball but with the neighborhood kids and the many siblings, she has many fond memories of playing basketball growing up.

Besides, she can really shoot. She can make more foul shots than I can. Sports are always more fun when you are good at them.

We also have this softball sized ball that is much softer than a softball, and we have been having a catch with that in our back yard.

More ear to ear smiling.

And I have to admit I was smiling pretty wide myself. Seeing Terry smile is something I no longer take for granted. With the advancement of the disease she is not as happy-go-lucky as she used to be. She worries. She gets nervous.  She gets scared. Most of the time over things that are not real. Sometimes it is having to watch me go to work.

But having a catch with Terry was great. It got her out of the house, moving around. And for me, it was like old times. I threw a ball every day for years in my teens and 20s, playing high school, American Legion and college baseball. Especially in college, when the South Florida weather allowed us to play all year. The month of December was the only time we did not play.

And now that spring weather has arrived Terry and I are going to play. We’ll have a catch in the back yard. We’ll shoot hoops at the park or nearby school yard. And we’ll continue to take our long walks.   It won’t be long before we will be taking our walks at the Jersey Shore.

But I try not to look to far forward. I love the summer but with Terry’s new symptoms I hate to see what she will and will not be able to do in the months to come.

My friends tell me I have to look forward, to figure out a plan on how I am going to continue to care for Terry and continue to work. I won’t be retiring any time soon, so decisions are going to have to be made.

But for now, I have decided that we need to play more sports.

Next I have to come up with a physical activity that Terry can do without me. We had a basketball hoop in our back yard when the kids were small but that is long gone.  I never thought I’d put another one up but I might have to look into that.  Or maybe she can work on her ball handling, her dribbling.

We’ll come up with something. All I know is that it will have something to do with sports.

Until next time, hope you have a sporting time.

Bud