Mother’s Day

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I hope you and your family had a happy Mother’s Day.

Despite the fact that I had to work nine hours on Saturday and seven hours on Sunday, my Mother’s Day was pretty good.

Fortunately, I have great kids.

Even before my wife Terry was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, our three children have always gone out of their way to make sure their mother knew how much she means to them.

In our family it was never about buying a nice card or candy, but to do something to show your love for your Mother.

Anna Jarvas would have been proud.

Anna Jarvas is believed to be the person responsible for starting, and almost stopping, Mother’s Day.

Jarvas held a memorial for her mother in West Virginia back in 1908 in a church that to this day holds the International Mother’s Day Shrine.  She campaigned to make Mother’s Day a recognized holiday and within three years all US states, with West Virginia being the first, observed the holiday. In 1911 President Wilson signed the proclamation creating Mother’s Day, the second Sunday in May, a national holiday to honor mothers.

But that wasn’t good enough for Jarvas. She even tried to rescind the holiday once companies like Hallmark began selling Mother’s Day cards and candies. Jarvas was embittered by what she saw as misinterpretation and exploitation. The holiday she wanted was supposed to be about sentiment, not profit. She felt people should write their own personal letters to their mothers or visit them, express love and gratitude, instead of buying gifts and pre-made greeting cards.

She fought the commercialization of Mother’s Day by organizing boycotts and threatening lawsuits. She once crashed a candy makers’ convention in Philadelphia and another time was arrested for disturbing the peace.

When our kids were little they never got arrested or boycotted anything (except maybe some of my cooking) but they did make their own Mother’s Day cards. And I always told them that the best present they could give their mother was to be good and don’t make me or their mother yell at them that day.

Over the years I have almost always had to work on Mother’s Day, so it was always up to the kids to show their mother a good day. This year was no exception.

All three came home on Saturday to make Terry a nice brunch and later a fine dinner. They spent time with her and had a great day. On Sunday my son and his dog picked Terry up and they enjoyed a nice walk in the woods and around the ball field where I was working.

Spending time with her children is the best way Terry can enjoy her day.

Since the kids graduated from high school Terry hasn’t really seen them that much. Certainly not as much as I have been lucky enough to do.  When the kids were growing up I was always the one away from home at work, while Terry either had the kids with her at work or she was home with them.

All three of our kids went to college where I work and while there all three worked for either me or for my secretary. I saw more of my kids when they were in college than I did when they were in high school and living at home, which was great.

But it was also tough on Terry. I would see the kids so much that I often forgot that Terry was not seeing them, and she missed them.  When the two oldest were at college the youngest was still at home so it wasn’t too bad, but when the youngest went to college and the oldest were living on their own, the empty nest was sometimes lonely for Terry.

That is even truer today, now that Terry doesn’t really work much anymore. She is home alone more now than she has ever been in her life, and the worst part is now that she has the time for leisure, she can’t really appreciate it.

It is tough for Terry to amuse herself, to take advantage of the leisure time. She can’t go anywhere, she no longer finds enjoyment in reading or even watching television, except for sports.

Terry used to read books, but now she can’t. By the time she finishes a chapter, she cannot remember what happened in the previous chapter. Even watching movies or television shows, it is hard for her to follow the plot.

But sports are the saving grace. When you watch sports the score is almost always on the screen, so she doesn’t have to try to remember who is winning. The game clock or the inning is also on the screen, so that helps her to follow the flow of the game.

It was a blessing that Terry grew up a sports fan.

My kids and I have always been a fan of Terry’s. She was a great Mom when the kids were younger, instilling in them good morals along with a fun-loving nature. She took great care of them when I was away from home with work.

Now the tables have turned. Now they come home and take care of her when I am away from home.

I have always been a big believer in karma. Good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and future happiness. Bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and future suffering.

Because Terry was such a great mother to her kids, they were brought up right and have continued to do the right thing. And now, the right thing is to help take care of their mother.

Whether it is Mother’s Day or not.

Until next time, I hope you and your family had a great Mother’s Day. At our house now, every day is Mother’s Day.

Bud