Not Home for the Holidays

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and the thing I always enjoyed most about the holidays was being with my family. I miss that.

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays

‘Cause no matter how far away you roam

When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze

For the holidays you can’t beat home, sweet home.

When I was little my parents often took my sister and me to my grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving.  We would watch Underdog float down Broadway in the Macy’s parade in the morning and watch the Detroit Lion and Dallas Cowboy football games in the afternoon.

That house always smelled like coffee and fresh rolls in the morning, except on Thanksgiving, when it smelled like turkey.

That is what Thanksgiving was all about to me, the four F’s: feasting, floats, football and family.

That tradition continued when my wife Terry and I had our kids, taking them to my parent’s house for the holidays, where my sister would be with her daughter.

Unfortunately, I have been out of town with work for Thanksgiving four of the last six years, and will be away again this year. This year, I am afraid, will be the toughest.

A lot of people have no sympathy for me when it comes to being away for Thanksgiving. While I am pining for the sunshine of a friendly gaze, I have been, in fact, the envy of my friends who were pining for the sunshine associated with warmer weather, where I was roaming far away.

Last year I was in San Francisco for Thanksgiving and the year before that Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. (When I was in Puerto Vallarta I looked for people who used to frequent that city all the time 30 years ago: Captain Stubing, Gopher the purser and Isaac the bartender, but I didn’t see them. They must have been on the boat with Julie the Cruise Director). In 2009 I was in Cancun, Mexico and in 2007 Orlando, Florida.

Nice places. Warm weather. If you have to work, there are few better places to work for most people. For me, I would prefer working at home.

Ever since my wife Terry was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, I have been her constant companion. She is rarely not at my side. I make sure she gets her meds every morning, I make her meals. I take her to the store. I take her to her Bible study. I have even taken her to work with me. I hate leaving her alone. There are so many things she cannot do anymore. She is no longer independent.

When I do leave her home alone during the day I always make a “to do” list for her. Take a shower, do the dishes, read and write in your Memory Book, make yourself a lunch, work on your jigsaw puzzle, keep your phone on you, etc. Some things just don’t occur to her to do.

I am going to have to prepare a long “to do” list for next week. This will be the first time we have been apart since last winter.

I am dreading next week. I leave early Sunday morning for Kansas and Tuesday morning travel from Kansas to Orlando and do not return home until the following Monday. Nine days and eight nights away from home. Away from Terry. That scares me.

I was home for the 2010 and 2011 Thanksgivings and they were great. My son and I deep fried a turkey without blowing up the house and it tasted pretty good, especially the second time, when we figured out how to do it.  My daughters helped Terry with all of the other fixins and we had a great meal and a great day together.

Luckily, I have great kids who will help out as much as they can. Fortunately they will be home for the holidays, and I am sure they will have a great Thanksgiving Day. I doubt I will, although I will rest at ease knowing they are all together. At least for that day.

I have always dreaded September. Not only was it the end of summer but the beginning of my busy time of year at work. This year I can’t wait until December. Not because Christmas is getting closer, but because December 1 I will be coming home from my road trip.

Speaking of Christmas coming sooner, I’ve seen way too many Christmas ads on television already. It used to be that Thanksgiving was the gateway to Christmas. Once turkey day arrived, we were in the Christmas season. Black Friday would be the starting gun.

Now I think Halloween has become the springboard to Christmas. Ever since November rolled around I’ve seen Christmas lights going up on houses, Christmas shopping circulars in my mailbox and newspaper, and Christmas commercials on TV.

Normally I would plead “Can’t we just enjoy Thanksgiving first, before we start concentrating on Christmas?”

But I won’t be enjoying Thanksgiving this year. I won’t be giving thanks for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year. Not this year.

I do give thanks for the many positive things I have in my life. I am thankful that when my daughter hit a deer recently the only things that got dented were the car and the deer’s butt. I am thankful that I have a job that pays the bills (most of them, anyway). I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, and beer in my refrigerator. I am thankful that I have three great kids. I am thankful that I have great friends. And I am extremely thankful that I have the best wife anyone could ever hope for.  I am thankful that I am able to be her caregiver, that I am able to be there for her. Be there for her most of the time, anyway.

But that is the problem with being a caregiver. It is a job you never ask for but once you become one you hate it when you can’t give the care you need to give. It is not a job you want to outsource.

But sometimes I have no choice.

So while others are giving thanks and enjoying the holiday with friends and family, I will be keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well at home this coming week.

As you know, crossing your fingers is a hand gesture commonly used to wish for good luck, but it has also been used to implore God for protection. Historically it was used in order to allow early Christian believers to recognize one another during times of persecution. They would cross their fingers in order to invoke the power associated with the Christian cross for protection.

Now I would never compare my lot in life to those early Christians. We all have our own crosses to bear in this life, some heavier than others. I will, however, be asking for protection for Terry while I am gone.

And when I arrive home from my road trip, and Terry is safe and sound, I will then give thanks.

Until next time, have a Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully with family, hopefully at home for the holiday, and hopefully Underdog won’t get loose, floating over Manhattan.

Bud