The Gift That Keeps on Giving

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I just had an Epiphany. I usually have one about this time every year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Hope you had a Happy Hanukah and Kwanza too, as well as Festivus.

I’m a couple of weeks late on a lot of things. You know the expression, ‘if you have a task that needs to be done right away give it to someone who is busy.’

Usually, people begin reminiscing the last week or so of December, looking back on the last year. There are usually end-of-the-year lists of things like the top 10 news stories of the year, top songs or movies of 2016. Top Athletes of 2016.  I read that I made it onto one of those lists. The top 10 male dog names of 2016. Buddy was number three, behind Max and Charlie and just ahead of Cooper and Jack.

Since January 1 that is almost all I have been doing. Reminiscing, I mean, not being a dog name. And not just reminiscing about the last year. We have been reminiscing with help from a gift. And the gift wasn’t gold, frankincense or myrrh.

My wife Terry and I received the greatest Christmas gift when we got back in town just before New Year’s. The gift looks like a regular 8 x 11 picture frame, but it is hooked up to the internet with its own e-mail address. You give friends and family members the e-mail address and they send photos that show up in a slideshow on our mantel.

“This is so cool,” Terry says over and over as she watches the slideshow. We have this thing on from 10am to 10pm and she can barely take her eyes off of it. She identifies everyone in each picture, out loud, and we already have pix of all nine of her siblings and their families as well as all of our kids. The best pix from my phone are also on there, as well as a lot of pix our son took off of that MyFace page book thing.

It is so entertaining for Terry, who is now well into the middle stages of Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. It is like when our kids were small and they could watch the same movies over and over. (In the 1980s we wore out VCR tapes of Cinderella and Jungle Book.) It has been over a week now and she has not grown tired of it. Certain pix make her laugh every time. They appear in a shuffle mode, in no certain order, and we have over 250 in there so far. And Terry is enjoying every one.

Even when we were watching football yesterday and today, she was commenting about the pix. And Terry LOVES watching football. The real test will be next week when her New England Patriots play. If the slideshow can distract her from the Pats we’ll know that this is the greatest gift ever.

Terry is enjoying life so much more now that I am home all of the time with her, despite her continued decline. But she is beginning to lose her words. Some words, not most. Not yet. She can still “Name That Tune” and in most cases name the artist too when a Top 40 Country song comes on the radio. But she often doesn’t know what day or time of day it is, she doesn’t remember many conversations.  And she is having more and more trouble trying to follow the simplest directions.

She is also asking me “What is going on?” or “What is happening?” more frequently now. But as long as I am there to answer her question she is fine. If I am out of the room or talking to someone else, when she wants/needs to ask, she sometimes gets upset.

Most of the time, however, her decline doesn’t seem to bother her. She gets a kick out of putting her sweat pants or shirts on backwards by accident.  She laughs every time a picture comes up on the slideshow that I took of her when she put two different colored sneakers on. We can laugh about things like that. And she can still solve a puzzle or two (with the help of the pause button) while watching Wheel of Fortune, just not as many or as quickly.

But the fact that she is not able to find some words she searches for more often these days has me concerned. And I am afraid from what I’ve read that names and faces are scheduled to go next.

That is another reason why this gift is so perfect. It not only entertains Terry but it is helping her to remember who her loved ones are. The pictures of her family bring back family memories, the old memories that are the last to go.

The new memories are the first to go.

In addition to her new hobby Terry still gets a great deal of pleasure watching her grand dog Harry. The least little thing that he does entertains her. And when it comes to Harry, there are very few “least little’ things that he does.

“He is such a funny dog,” is heard dozens of times a day. “I like Harry. He’s a good boy. He’s a goofy boy.”

Terry was able to see most of her family over the holidays, which was great. Traveling has become more difficult though. Not only the need for a Family Restroom while on the road, but Terry’s need to stick to her schedule in order to feel safe. To feel confident. To feel the most comfortable.  She is most comfortable at home, with me at her side. “We like our house. It’s a nice house,” she said today, looking out the back window at the sun-drenched, snow-covered backyard.

I have to admit I am pretty comfortable in that situation too.

Being a caregiver is certainly tough, having to help Terry do everything from the time she gets up till she goes to bed, while watching her abilities decline. But it is the best job I ever had. I get to hang out with my partner all day, sharing everything, and now watching a slideshow of our loved ones. And of course watching football and our grand dog.

That is the greatest gift that I ever received. Being able to spend all of my time with Terry. Much better than gold, frankincense or myrrh.

Until next time, hope you enjoy your gifts.

Bud