Privacy is the Best Policy

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and it doesn’t look like the Kardashians have anything to worry about. From me, anyway.

Upon further review, we will not be ‘Going Hollywood.’ (Technically it would be ‘Going Jersey’, since that is where the broadcasting company is located.)

A radio/television guy I’ve known since the early 1990s gave me a ‘shout out’ when he was broadcasting a college basketball game recently, a game that was watched by, among others, people who knew me and worked with me. He commented on my 35-year career and his personal interactions with me over the years. It was very nice of him to do that and I was sure to contact him and thank him for it.

That is when he informed me about other endeavors he has branched out to, professionally, and one in particular was work he does for a health channel. He told the network about why I retired and they were interested in making my life a reality show.

And by ‘reality show’ I mean one, 20-minute segment. But after giving some serious thought to the idea, that is what it seemed like to me. What they were interested in doing made me feel like I was going to be on Big Brother or the Real World.

They were interested in bringing a television camera or two into my home for a day.

They were interested in interviewing me about what it is like to quit your job and become a full-time caregiver for your wife.

They were interested in interviewing my wife Terry’s neurologist, looking at and explaining Terry’s EEG and MRI results.

They were interested in interviewing Terry on camera.

They were interested in turning my life of being a caregiver and, more importantly, Terry’s life of being a woman in her 50s with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, into a 60 Minutes type of interview.

That is when I became un-interested.

At first I said okay, and Terry said ‘Whatever you think is best, Bud.’ like she always does. I ran it by our son and he didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

But after giving it some thought I realized it is one thing for me to write a blog, trying to explain what life is like as a caregiver without being a bummer, without being a downer. The blog is about my life.

But this ‘day in the life’ health segment is another thing. It would show the world what life is like to be a woman with Alzheimer’s, in particular, what Terry’s life is like, and I am afraid I couldn’t do that. I don’t think Terry would want that.  She’s always been such a private, reserved person.

Even in her shining moments, her tennis championships, her wedding, HER HONEYMOON, she was always very shy and reserved. Now, when she is having her least shining moments, is not the time to go Kardashian.

So we won’t be seeing a documentary on Terry any time soon.

But if I ever do change my mind and allow a TV crew to film us, if it was this time of year, it would have to be on a Sunday.

Terry has always loved watching football and she enjoys it even more now. And it doesn’t even have to be her beloved New England Patriots. Terry loves the RedZone channel.

She can’t always follow the plots of television shows or movies (unless she is watching one she has seen countless times and laughs every time), but Terry can always recognize and appreciate a nice catch, a nice run, a nice pass or any other nice athletic play on the football field.

And if the game is played on a snowy field, even better. Watching today’s games in snowy Buffalo and Cleveland was a lot of fun for Terry, snuggled up under a blanket on the couch with her hot Ginseng green tea. (Would have been even better if the snowy fields were comprised of grass and mud instead of turf and rubber pellets. Even the redundant ‘frozen tundra’ in Green Bay now has heater coils under the field to heat it.) Even watching the rainy game in Miami made our weather today seem better.

Outside our home, today was a dim and dismal day, cold and dark, a good day to stay in the house, and Terry was in her glory watching the football games while I try to write this.

Normally we try to get outside as much as possible, walking or just working in the yard (we have been trimming trees lately, a good workout for me sawing and Terry carries the wood to the wood pile near the fire pit. It is amazing how many times she can get lost walking the same 20 yards over and over to put the wood in the pile. Afraid she does not take direction very well these days.)

Another reason why I would not want the film crew shooting her, seeing her fail so badly in trying to take direction.  (One thing I have noticed lately is that if I let her do a task her way, even if it is helter skleter, she is able to do it. If I give her direction in how it should be done, how she used to do it, it messes her up and she has trouble performing the task.)

Images like Terry’s ‘instructionally-challenged’ moments get better ratings than shots of her enjoying the football games, enjoying the antics of our son’s dog.  “He’s a goofy boy,” Terry says while laughing at our grand dog, Harry.

No, we won’t be going viral with our lives. We will keep these moments private, the good ones when Terry is laughing and the bad ones when she gets confused. And we will just try to enjoy them.

And if it snows, even better.

Until next time, enjoy your moments in privacy, especially your moments of privacy.

Bud