Life is Like a Movie

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I’ve seen a few movies in my time.

My kids often kid me when I say that a certain movie is in my top 10, since they know my top 10 list has about 37 movies on it.  

Movies that we as a family quote all the time, in our everyday conversations. “Oops, what do you mean ‘oops’? No oops.” from Independence Day. “Morons! I’ve got morons on my team!” from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.  “Touch my stuff I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” from Step Brothers.

A prerequisite for a movie being in my top 10 is that whenever I am dialing around (if you remember when TVs actually had dials you are almost as old as I am) if I see that a certain movie is on, no matter what point of the movie it is at, I am putting it on. The Godfather, The Natural, Forrest Gump, Heartbreak Ridge, I can’t get past them without putting them on.

During a recent heatwave I took my wife Terry to the air conditioned movie theater to beat the heat and see Finding Dory. Despite being the only adults in the theater without kids in tow, we really enjoyed the movie.

Finding Dory is certainly now in Terry’s top 10. I’m not sure how many movies she has in her top 10, but there are some movies that if I see are on TV I automatically put them on for her. Miss Congeniality is one, Dirty Dancing another.  Anything Melissa McCarthy is in will make Terry laugh.

About a dozen years ago Terry saw the movie 50 First Dates and has probably seen it a dozen times since. In the romantic comedy a young woman suffers from short-term memory loss, can’t remember anything that happened the previous day, and a reformed playboy has to try to win her heart over and over every day. It takes place in Hawaii and is very scenic.

Also about a dozen years ago Terry saw the movie Finding Nemo and has probably seen it a dozen times since. In the children’s animated adventure about family under the sea Terry’s favorite character was Dory, a blue tang fish who suffers from short-term memory loss.

I should have seen a pattern forming.

A few years ago, when my wife Terry was first diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, an old friend of mine from college sent me the book Still Alice. It was a best seller about a woman my wife’s age that was also diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.  I read about half of it and had to stop. I couldn’t take it.

When the movie came out last year the actress, Julianne Moore, won a lot of awards for her role as Alice and I was happy that the disease was getting some attention. Attention like the fact that Alzheimer’s Disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. Too many people think Alzheimer’s is nothing more than a bad case of short-term memory loss.

Alzheimer’s kills more people worldwide than breast cancer and prostate cancer COMBINED. People are taking ice cube baths for ALS and wearing pink ribbons for cancer but what are they doing to help fight Alzheimer’s? 

Yes, I was glad to see that movie come out, but that didn’t mean I was going to see it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of anything positive that would come out of me seeing it. Out of us seeing it.

Well, the other night I finally grew a pair and played the movie Still Alice. Terry and I watched it but we didn’t really talk about it too much. During the movie I pointed out a few things to Terry that took place in the film that we could relate to, things Alice was experiencing that also happened to Terry.  Looking back, I don’t think it was such a good idea to watch it.

I was hoping it might trigger something in Terry, help her realize what is going on, if she doesn’t already, maybe help her feel that she is not alone in the world with this problem.  Maybe watching the movie would help her to express her feelings about this situation. Anything positive.

Nothing. The next day I asked her what she thought about the movie and she said it was “too depressing.” But she didn’t mean it was too depressing for her to enjoy it because she also has Alzheimer’s.  She has accepted that. “It is what it is,” she says about her dementia (as she refers to it as), using an expression that is in another top 10 list of mine, as in 10 worst sayings.

She just meant that it was simply not an upbeat movie, for anyone.

In that sense Terry is like me. I look for movies to entertain me, to make me feel good, not make me feel sad.  Make me laugh, not cry. Something to take me away from my daily cares and worries.

So Still Alice will NOT be going onto Terry’s top 10 list of movies. Mine neither. And neither will The Notebook, a film I watched bits and pieces of a long time ago when my daughters were watching it, long before Terry was diagnosed with the same disease as the woman in the film.

I’ll take A League of Their Own or Young Frankenstein over those two movies any day.

Until next time, there will be no crying in baseball or in the movies, even though we are now dealing with an Abby Normal brain.

Bud

Epic Dog

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I have never wanted to own a dog.

Never. 

Not when I was a kid and my sister and I had one. Not when my kids were young and we owned one. And not now, even though I can now see an advantage in having one.

To me, a dog, or any pet that needs taking care of, is an anchor. It holds you back. It prevents you from traveling. It ties you down. It is just one more thing on my plate that I don’t need.

No, I never did want a dog and probably never will.

But I do enjoy watching our “grand dog.”

When our son goes out of town my wife Terry and I watch his dog, Harry. Harry is very entertaining. He is affectionate, happy and very athletic.  He loves kids and is very friendly to everyone. 

Everyone expect the mailman, the UPS man or the Fed Ex man, that is.

Like most dogs, Harry sees these delivery people as trespassers who come to the house but don’t stay around long when the barking starts. So the dogs are not only warning of trespassers, they are receiving positive reinforcement for their barking because the delivery man leaves.

But other than the delivery men, Harry is very loving.  He could probably qualify as an emotional support animal. At least for my wife Terry.

Ever since Terry was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease close to 30 months ago, it has become more and more difficult for her to be alone. When I am at work Harry not only keeps Terry company, he entertains her. Harry is always chasing squirrels, rabbits, birds. Anything that moves in our backyard Harry tries to catch.

Since Harry and my son live in an apartment, Harry doesn’t have a yard. The two of them go on long runs and long walks, so Harry gets his share of exercise and outdoor life, but he is always on a 30-foot leash. In our fenced in backyard he gets to roam free, roll around in the grass, and he seems to love it.

And Terry loves to watch him. “Harry’s a funny dog,” she is always saying with a chuckle as she watches him bury a chewy treat in our backyard or run underneath the telephone wires hoping the squirrel will somehow fall.

They say some animals can help people with disabilities like anxiety, depression and other emotional or psychological conditions. They provide therapeutic benefits, sometimes alleviating or mitigating some of the symptoms of the disability.

Terry’s biggest problem these days with her advanced dementia is her inability to make decisions. I’m not sure how an animal is going to help in that area. He can’t tell her it is time to go to the bathroom or how to take a shower. But I do know a dog like Harry sure makes Terry feel good.

Some people would describe Harry as an ‘Epic dog’ but not me. I have heard the word epic used way too many times lately.

When I was growing up the word epic had to do with a poem that was way too long and usually about some sort of hero or legendary figure. Now, it is one of the most overused words in the English language and somehow had its meaning changed to “extremely awesome!”

Harry is extremely awesome and could qualify as a legendary figure, at least in our family, and is a hero to me for entertaining Terry.

So maybe Harry is an ‘epic dog.’

And even though I don’t want a dog, I do want to watch Harry again next month when our son goes out of town again. 

And Terry will think it is epic.

Until next time, try not to overuse words. To me, that is an ‘epic fail.’

Bud