Happy
New Year
By
Bud Focht
Hi,
my name is Bud and like a lot of people this time of year I did some reflecting
back on the last 12 months.
When
a lot of people look back on 2015 they think of things like the debate over
the legalization of gay marijuana (that
might have been two different debates I’m thinking of), the Pope’s visit, and
the former ‘greatest athlete in the world’ going from the man on the Wheaties
box to the woman on the Vanity Fair magazine cover.
Most
of the reflecting I did was concentrated on how much the cognitive skills of my
56 year old wife Terry have declined due to her Early Onset Alzheimer’s
Disease.
I
am not going to go down the list of all the things Terry can no longer do, a
list that includes many things she could still do this time last year. Instead I am thinking of, and am grateful for,
all of the things Terry still CAN do.
She
can still enjoy watching her favorite television shows, even though she no
longer knows how to use the remote control.
She watches reruns and still laughs at all the same parts. (It’s like
when our kids were little; they would watch the same movies over and over. I
think we actually wore out a tape of the Bambi movie)
Terry
can still enjoy listening to her favorite country music station on the
radio. She can identify most of the
singers, especially her favorites, or the name of many of the songs she hears. It is a good thing she only listens to one
station, since she no longer knows how to change them on the radio.
She
still loves to go for long walks. Before the polar vortex made an appearance
this month we got to take a few one-hour and two-hour walks during the
Christmas break when I actually had a couple of days off. The unseasonably warm
weather made it perfect for the long hikes.
Terry
can still enjoy putting jigsaw puzzles together. She just needs a little help
getting started.
One
of the most important things she can still do is laugh. There is not a day that
goes by that I do not hear her laugh. It is the greatest sound in the world.
THE
most important thing she can still do is she can still enjoy life. She is
happy, and she feels safe, as long as I am around.
Terry
and I are spending more and more time together now. I see her in the morning
before I go to work, giving Terry her medicine. I see her at lunch time, make
her soup or hot tea, and I see her in the evening. If I have to travel for
work, Terry goes with me. I am very grateful that I have a job that allows
that.
The
one positive thing that has come from Terry’s EOAD is that we have grown soooo
much closer. I am very grateful for that.
Okay,
maybe a little bit tooo close, like having to help her shower and get dressed. And
by help her shower I don’t just mean physically helping her, but reminding her
that she should shower.
But
that is just part of being a caregiver.
A
lot of my reflecting has been on how I have handled being a caregiver. It has
had its positive and negative effects on me.
The
positive is that I get to spend so much time with my partner, my soulmate. I
don’t think there is a couple out there that spends as much time together as
Terry and I do.
One
of the negatives is that because of all the time I do spend with Terry, my
social life is zero. I recently went out for about an hour to see some old
friends who got together just two miles from my house to celebrate a 60th
birthday. That made it pretty easy to get out, and Terry was happy that I was
seeing them. Twenty, thirty years ago we saw them all the time.
But
the other night was the first time I had been out with friends in months. I
just can’t feel comfortable leaving Terry by herself. She tells me she feels safe with me, but how
does she feel when I am not there?
Another
negative effect is since I come home every day for lunch, I can no longer use
that time to work out. Believe me, I am no body builder or cross fitter. But I
used to walk every day at lunchtime and occasionally pick up a weight or two.
Just things to keep the blood pumping and keep the weight off. I didn’t lose
any weight but I didn’t gain either. That is, when I was working out. Since
I’ve stopped working out my weight has reached an all-time high.
With
the cold weather Terry has begun sleeping in lately. She goes back to sleep
when I leave for work and sleeps until 10am or sometimes even later. Even
though she comes from New England Terry does NOT like the cold, and she is so
comfortable under the warm blankets in the morning she just stays there. It is
not like she has to get up to accomplish anything. She no longer goes to work. She doesn’t even go to her Bible studies
anymore. The few chores she still does around the house aren’t going anywhere.
There is no rush to do them.
I
am happy Terry sleeps in late because it is less time of the day she has to be
bored. That is what I worry about when I am away from her, Terry not being able
to entertain herself. Not being able to keep busy. When I leave for work in the morning I leave
a note, a list of things for Terry to do, and she does them. But if there is no list, nothing telling her
what to do, no ONE telling her what to do, she doesn’t know what to do.
Terry
is back doing jigsaw puzzles again, which I am grateful for. She was doing them
last winter but once spring came around she was puzzled out. But she received a few for Christmas and with
the cold weather keeping us inside she has put two together since Thanksgiving
and is working on a third one now.
Over
the last 12 months Terry and I have been able to travel. We spent a summer week
in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia, we spent four November days in Cancun, we
visited her family in New England three times, and we visited friends at the
Jersey Shore.
Reflecting
back on the last year, I would have to say we did a lot. We made the most of
it. And that’s really all you can ask of a year, to get the most out of it.
Especially when you know, and dread, what the next years will bring.
What
will come in 2016 is anyone’s guess. If this time last year you would have told
me Donald Trump was seriously being considered a candidate for president, I
would have thought you meant president of the Hair Club for Men.
I
hope this time next year I am just as grateful as I am now for the things Terry
can still do. Still enjoy.
Until
next time, hope you are grateful for your 2015.
