Thursday, October 15, 2015

Apple, Penny, Table
By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and if I was a still life painter, I would draw a nice, sturdy wooden table, with a bright red apple on it next to a shiny cooper penny.

My wife Terry had her annual visit with the neurologist this week.  He is the doctor who first told us in the fall of 2013 that something was wrong.  We went back to him last October, a year after Terry was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, and he ran the exact same tests again, which included an EEG (like an EKG except it is for the brain, not for the heart) and an MRI of the brain, as well as different tasks he gave her to do in the office.

Terry did just as well, or just as bad, on almost all of the tests the first and second times, and the MRI and EEG showed no difference from the first and second visit.

This time he again asked Terry to remember three things, an apple, a penny, and a table.  Funny how he never changes it up. It is always apple, penny, table.  When I was talking to my kids last week, before the visit, I told them and Terry he is going to ask you to remember an apple, a penny and a table. Then he is going to ask you a bunch of questions, and then he’ll ask you what the three things were.

I didn’t tell Terry the questions he was going to ask. This is not the test that I really want her to study for. I want a true reading coming from the doctor’s exams. The only reason I told her and the kids the part about the apple, penny table was because I knew Terry would not remember it. She hasn’t yet.

The neurologist asked Terry to spell the word WORLD, which she could do. But he asked her to spell it backwards and she had no clue. She gave it a couple of tries, usually starting with W, but could not do it. For the third year in a row.

But it was how she handled the inability to spell the word backwards is what the doctor took notice of.  She admitted, “Oh, this is not my strong suit.” And “This is a tough one” but half laughing while saying it.

Finally when she gave up she said “I’m a mess,” and started laughing again. He was happy to see and hear that she still has a sense of humor, that she is a happy person. And healthy.

The doctor asked her to show him her left, little finger and she did that, and to put her right thumb in her left ear, and she could follow those instructions.  But then he asked her what the three things she was supposed to remember and again, for the third year in a row Terry had no shot.

Could not remember apple, penny, or table.

I had to tell the doctor all of the things Terry can no longer do since our last visit in October. Last visit I had just taken the car keys away from Terry.

Since last October Terry can no longer use the oven, stove or microwave. She can’t text on her phone. She can turn the TV on and off but can’t change the channels. Same with the radio. She can turn it on and off but can’t change the station.

One day I was listening to the football game on the radio and forgot to put Terry’s country station back on. The next day I came home from work and Terry told me, “for some reason they were talking a lot about the Eagles today.”

She can turn the treadmill on and off but doesn’t know how to change the speeds. So she can do it when she is home alone, she just can’t go too fast.

Lately she’s been putting the dishes away where they don’t belong, but she gets a kick out of it. We call it my daily Easter Egg hunt and Terry laughs every time I pretend to give her a hard time when I am looking for things.

Because Terry is still healthy and still has a sense of humor, and because she knows what is going on, she just can’t remember things, the neurologist didn’t order the EEG or the MRI this time. He doesn’t think the brain has begun to shrink yet.  The decline has continued but it has been gradual, which means the majority of her brain is still okay, it is just the hippocampus not working. She just can’t remember things.

Once the brain begins to shrink, there will be more drastic changes. But for now, she is healthy.

So for the first time, Terry and I left the neurologist’s office in a good mood.

After the doctor’s appointment we took a nice, two hour walk on the tow path next to the Delaware River and Delaware Canal. We were walking along and all of a sudden Terry turns to me and her eyes are real big and she says “APPLE, PENNY, TABLE. APPLE, PENNY, TABLE.”

We both almost fell in the canal laughing. I told her I was going to quickly call the doctor back and see if he’ll change her grade.

The rest of the walk she was like ET when he first started to talk “ET Phone Home, ET Phone Home.”  Terry kept on saying the rest of the walk “APPLE, PENNY, TABLE. APPLE, PENNY, TABLE”

Unless some of those “drastic” changes occur, we again will not see the neurologist until next October. She will continue to be on her two medicines, Aricept and Namenda, for another year. Between now and then I am sure I will have compiled a new list of things that Terry can no longer do. I just pray that laughing isn’t on that list.

Along with Aricept and Namenda, laughter truly is the best medicine. I know it has been for me.  It is the only thing that has gotten me through this, being able to see Terry laugh.

Until next time, maybe I will draw that table with the penny and apple on it. I’m sure that would make Terry laugh.

Bud

Monday, October 5, 2015

Coming Out No Party
By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I have been having trouble ‘coming out.’

No, I am not gay. And as Jerry Seinfeld famously said on one of his television shows 20-some years ago that then became a catch-phrase, “not that there is anything wrong with that.”

No, I have been having trouble telling people that my wife Terry has Alzheimer’s Disease.

It is not that I am ashamed of it. I’m not trying to hide it. As a matter of fact, it is just the opposite. I want people to know. I would much rather people know what her problem is rather than wonder why she can’t perform so many simple tasks.

I guess I would rather people know she has an incurable disease than think she is simple-minded. I would prefer that she was just not that smart.

Most people I work with know. All of my friends know.

The problem is, when I try to tell people, I get emotional. I’m not sure why that is.

Obviously, it is an emotional subject, but it is something I’ve been dealing with for two years now. Even before she was positively diagnosed in the spring of 2014, it was the fall of 2013 when I knew something was seriously wrong, more wrong than just “menopause” which her primary physician had suggested. It was two years ago when I first took her to a neurologist to have her checked out.

Turns out it was more “mental-pause” than “menopause” that she was suffering from.

Terry’s condition sometimes gets to me, but for the most part I am able to handle it. Except when I try to tell someone.

I remember telling my neighbor this past summer. I was a mess. I was fine, making small talk. Then she saw the Walk for Alzheimer’s tee shirts on the clothes line and asked about it. When I tried to tell her it was Terry who we were walking for, her and I both started balling.

And it happened again the other day, with a total stranger.

I took Terry shopping for some new clothes, but she was having trouble in the fitting room. Even though I only gave her one item at a time to try on so she would not get confused, once she went in there she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.  (I’m just so glad that she didn’t yell out “Hey, there is no toilet paper in here!”)

So I went up to a sales person to ask if I could go in the fitting room with Terry. I didn’t want her to think I was a perv or anything so I tried to explain Terry’s situation, and I started getting emotional again.

I guess knowing it and actually hearing me saying it are two different things.

Fortunately, the sales person was very understanding and said there was no problem with me going in there, and she even offered her help if it was needed, which was nice.

What was not nice was the fact that I almost lost it, in public, in the middle of a store.  And I hate Terry seeing me upset. I need to be strong for her. She gets a lot of her information these days by reading my reaction to things. If I am calm, she is calm. If I am laughing, she is laughing. I don’t want her all bummed out because she saw me crying.

I remember the day I wrote my first blog. I e-mailed the link to many friends and some co-workers, telling them what had happened. After I hit send I had to leave work for the rest of the day. I totally lost my shit. I was even having a tough time driving home that day.

That seems like a long time ago, June of 2014. Fifty-two blogs ago. A lot has happened since then, and most of it has not been good. But some of it has been.

The relationship that Terry and I have is great. We have never been closer. We are almost always together now, and enjoying each other’s company.

Unfortunately, the amount of time we are together is as much a necessity as it is a choice. Terry’s decline in cognitive skills has not stopped.

For the most part it has happened gradually, so it never really hit me that hard. That is, until I try to tell someone about it.

When my friends and co-workers ask about Terry, how she is doing, it isn’t really THAT tough for me to talk about, for the most part.  But it does get to me.

The everyday dealing with it, however, is something that I have been able to handle. I guess I have Terry to thank for that.  She still has a great disposition. She still laughs every day. She still smiles most of the time.

Lately she has been getting a kick out of my daily “Easter Egg hunts.”  One of the few household chores that Terry can still preform is doing the dishes. But after she dries them and when she puts the dishes away, there is no longer any rhyme or reason as to where she puts them.  She puts the pots and pans where we keep the tupper wear, and she puts baking dishes away in various places around the kitchen. She doesn’t even try to put my travel coffee cup away. She just leaves that out for me to put it away.

Terry is beginning to worry more about things. But she has faith in me, she knows I will take good care of her, and she constantly thanks me for doing so. As if she needs to do that.

I never mind taking care of Terry. I think I am good at it. What I am not very good at is telling people about our situation.  Not in person, anyway.

Until next time, I guess I just won’t be that good at ‘coming out.’ Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Bud