Happy Global Beatles’ Day

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and like many people who are close to the age of 60, I grew up part of Beatlemania.

There were many summer days in the 1960s when I would carry my guitar over to my neighbor’s house and we would listen to Beatle songs and pretend we were playing and singing along.

On June 25, 1967, during the “Summer of Love” the Beatles performed their song All You Need is Love on a BBC produced show “Our World” that was linked globally in 26 countries via satellite and watched by 400 million people.

That is why today, June 25, was selected as Global Beatles’ Day, a day honoring and celebrating the phenomenon and ideals of the Beatles, for their gifts to the world, their promotion of peace and love, and of course, their music.

As I got older and listened to the Sgt. Pepper album on headphones I grew a whole new appreciation for the Fab Four, an appreciation that stayed with me through the 1970s. 

When the Beatles broke up I continued to buy the post-Beatle albums like Red Rose Speedway (McCartney), Imagine (Lennon), Band on the Run (McCartney), Dark Horse (George), Mind Games (Lennon), Concert for Bangla Desh (George), Double Fantasy (Lennon). I even bought (and liked) Ringo’s Goodnight Vienna.

I still have many Beatle songs on my iPod, but these days I listen to a lot of country music.  I listen to country music mainly because that is what my wife Terry likes.

She likes the fact that the lyrics of the country songs are easily understood, and usually carry more weight than the music. The message is more important than the sound.  She likes the stories that country songs tell.

I have found that the stories most country songs usually tell deal with girls, beer, God, summertime, whiskey, life below the Mason-Dixon line, tequila, cowboys, the good ole red, white and blue, and beer.

Listening to music has always been a big part of my life, and it is now an important part of Terry’s life, especially since she was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. 

Terry needs constant input to help slow down the shrinkage of her brain. It is like exercising a muscle. Music helps stimulate Terry’s mind.

The brain processes music in multiple areas. So when Terry’s screwed up hippocampus can’t find the information she needs to know where her keys are, she can find in her brain the words and melodies to songs and who is singing them.  The songs also bring back memories of her past when the old songs she hears were new.

So we watch music videos when we are inside and we listen to a lot of music Any Time at All, but especially when we are outside.

We spend a lot of time outside this time of year, walking or just sitting in the backyard, talking (me talking, Terry laughing. Ain’t She Sweet?) looking at the sky or the neighborhood animals (squirrels, rabbits, birds, Rocky Raccoon, butterflies).

Do You Want to Know a Secret? It sounds boring but it isn’t.

On a nice night you can almost look Across the Universe. Sitting with my best friend I Feel Fine. I Want to Hold Her Hand.  In My Life it doesn’t get much better than that.

It has been a Long and Winding Road since Terry was diagnosed 14 months ago.  Usually in down times you can keep positive by thinking that All Things Must Pass, but not with Alzheimer’s. I will never be able to say that things are Getting Better.  She will never Get Back to where she was.  It Won’t Be Long before our lives are even more Helter Skelter.

But The Two of Us are making the most of our summer so far. I’ve Got a Feeling it is going to be a great summer. We have already gone to the beach a couple of times (I’ll Follow the Sun) and Terry even went underwater, on purpose, after a great walk on the boardwalk.

Looking back on how much Terry has declined since last summer, the Two of Us will be trying to make the very most of our summer this year. I don’t know how many more we will have to enjoy a Good Day Sunshine.

Yesterday, or at least 15 months ago, life was such an easy game to play. All of my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they are here to stay.

Until next time, enjoy the Beatles’ music on this Global Beatles’ Day. Enjoy country music. Enjoy your partner in life, while you can.

All You Need is Love,

Bud

I’m a Riser

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and apparently I am a Riser.

About a year ago, not long after my wife Terry was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, I met a young man (20 years younger than me is a ‘young’ man in my book) named Dierks.

He was the first person I ever met named Dierks. I had a student-worker about 15 years ago named My-Heaven Aaron. A great kid and a very good worker. When he introduced himself to me I told him, “Ya know, you are the second My-Heaven I met today.”

He was only a college freshman so he didn’t realize how funny that was. My humor is wasted on ‘utes.’

Believe it or not, My-Heaven was not the most uncommon name I have run across in my 37 years of dealing with college students.  Key & Peele sent met quite a few interesting ones.

There was that kid who I thought worked at the airport-Logjammer Debaggageclaim, the kid with the over-bearing father, J.R. Junior Juniors, Jr., and my favorite, the kid who was always testing everyone’s boundaries, Takittothu Limit.

Anyway, back to Dierks, a pilot from Arizona who moved to Nashville to be a singer. Dierks and I happened to spark up a conversation in a bar at a time when I was just starting to feel the effects of finding out that my best friend, my partner, my soulmate, had an incurable disease that was only going to get worse with time.

He didn’t exactly catch me at my best.

Dierks is an artist and that night he was a very good listener. I had only known him a short time but he and I talked like we were old friends.

A few months later I received an e-mail from him. To be honest, I drank a little more than I should have that night I met him and didn’t really remember much about him or that night until I got the e-mail. In the e-mail he said that our talk about what Terry and I were going through had inspired him. One thing I do remember about our talk that night was that he was having trouble ‘getting inspired’ so I was happy to hear that I might have helped. The more I tried to remember about that night the more good memories came back.

In the e-mail Dierks wrote about his wife Cassidy and how he hoped he and her would someday have what Terry and I had.

He then enclosed the following, thanking me for the ‘inspiration’ and saying that, after having that conversation with him last spring, this is what I should say to Terry.

Lay your pretty head down on my shoulder
You don't have to worry anymore
This old world is cold and getting colder
And I know how to lock and bolt the door

I'm strong enough to hold you through the winter
Mean enough to stare your demons down
The hard times put the shine into the diamond
I won't let that keep us in the ground

I'm a riser
I'm a get up off the ground, don't run and hider
Pushing comes a-shovin'
Hey I'm a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I'm a lighter
A get out aliver, out of the fire
Survivor

I'm a trier
I'm a get down low so I can lift you higher
An army couldn't keep down my desire

I'm a riser

Until next time, thanks Mr. Bentley.

Bud

Disney and Disability

By Bud Focht

Hi, my name is Bud and I’m going to Disney World!

That is what the Super Bowl MVP is paid a million dollars to say right after the big game ends, so the quote can be used in a television commercial.

No, hard as it may be to believe, I did not win the Super Bowl Most Valuable Player award. The only MVP I ever got was a note from the school nurse telling my parents “More Vitamins, Please.”

This week I HAVE to spend three days and two nights in Orlando for meetings with work. The hotel (I think you may have to call it a resort when a six pack costs $18) and conference rooms are walking distance from Disney World, but it is wasted on me.

Ever since graduating from a South Florida college in the late ‘70s I have longed to get back to the Sunshine State.

But being away from my wife Terry for three days is difficult. Difficult for her and for me.

Luckily my kids have stepped up and will be with her in shifts in the morning to give Terry her meds, during the day to cook her a meal and in the evening to eat and hang out with her.

I am afraid Terry isn’t the most independent person these days.

I had to make a list of things for my son, who instead of making a two-mile commute to his office each morning will be making a 45-minute commute from my house while I am gone, a list reminding him of what his mother can and can no longer do, what she needs help in.

Living with Terry is one thing but when I have to talk to people about her limitations, or if I have to write them down, it gets to me.

Since she was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, Terry has worked less and less hours a week due to her declining cognitive skills.

She currently works one day a week, five hours a day, about three or four times a month.

It is great for her to get out of the house and do something she is still comfortable doing. Most of her responsibilities at work are no longer do-able, so the few things she can still do only take about 20 hours a month to do.

For thirty years Terry has worked a variety of jobs, from YMCA gym instructor to summer camp director, mail career, elementary school teacher/coach/athletics director, to department store clerk and an office worker.  And when the kids were little it was a good thing too. If we didn’t have her additional income it would have been impossible to pay school tuitions.

But now Terry is limited to one half of a work day a week.

A friend of mine suggested that we apply for disability. After all, Terry would still be working 30 hours a week if she hadn’t developed Alzheimer’s.

So I inquired about it through Social Security and they gave me some forms to fill out.

Filling out those forms was extremely hard to do for me. Listing all of the things Terry used to do that she can no longer do was quiet painful.

So many of the questions dealt with physical activities. And physically she is fine. She looks great, tanner than she’s been since she worked the summer sports camps for the Y when the kids were young. Tanner than she’s been since she was a varsity tennis player in college.

Physically she is in much better shape than I am. A running joke in our family is that Terry’s Super Power is that she can walk FOREVER. And for-EV-er is pronounced the way Ham Porter, the round, freckle-faced catcher who coined the phrase “You’re killin’ me Smalls,” said it in the movie The Sandlot. “for EV-er”

Terry looks great. Anytime we see people the next day or so they tell me, “Boy, Terry looked great. You would never know.” She still smiles all the time. Physically she is still healthy and fit.  But things are becoming more and more difficult for her to do on her own.

The Social Security representative who interviewed us said that if Terry does collect disability she can still work on Friday mornings, which would be great. Terry looks forward to it, almost as much as walking.

I wish I could take her walking around Disney World. I seriously thought about buying a second plane ticket and taking Terry with me for the weekend, but logistically it would not work.

The one day I am in meetings all day. Terry could not go to the meetings with me, so she would be stuck in the hotel room all day. There is no way she could find her way from the room to the pool or back, and doing Disney by herself is totally out of the question.

Making those lists of tasks that Terry can no longer perform really brought to light how far she had declined in the last year. It’s sad. It’s scary.

Which brings me back to what I was preaching this time last year. We have to live each day to the fullest. Make the most of each day. We can’t think about the future, just try to enjoy the present.

For me and Terry, that doesn’t mean going to Disney World. It just means being together. The only wasted days we have are days we are not together. The two of us just sitting on the backyard swing listening to music is just as good as walking around EPCOT. (except for the walking part. Terry LOVES to walk)

This weekend when I see EPCOT from my hotel window, I won’t be thinking “I wish I was there.”  I’ll be thinking “I wish I was anywhere, anywhere with Terry.”

For-EV-er

Until next time, spend time with the ones you love.

Bud